Letting Them Help: The Quiet Battle of a Strong Mother

I’m writing this from a place that should feel like peace. Surrounded by warm air, ocean views, the sound of laughter, and the comfort of familiar faces.

I’m in St. Lucia, surrounded by friends and family who love me deeply.

People who are stepping in, taking my babies off my hands, telling me to “Go rest, go enjoy, go breathe.”

And yet…

There’s a quiet battle happening in my chest.

Because the truth is:

Asking for help is hard.

But accepting it? Sometimes even harder.

The Inner Tug-of-War

My 10 month old, Roman, is scooped up by loving arms.

His uncles are playing with him. His aunties are spoiling him. His cousins are competing to make him laugh the hardest.

I’m being told, “Go take a break we’ve got him.”

And I want to.

God, I want to.

But there’s a tug.

That tug that says:

• “You’re the mom. They’re your responsibility.”

• “What if something happens?”

• “You should be the one watching them.”

• “Don’t be a burden.”

So instead of sinking into my chair or sipping something cold by the pool,

I’m in the shadows, watching my toddler, Ramses, play tag with his cousins, scanning the playground like security, even though someone else already has eyes on him.

I am physically present in paradise.

But mentally, emotionally, I’m stuck in that all-too-familiar loop of guilt, vigilance, and control.

Where Did We Learn This?

We learn, especially as mothers, and even more so as women of color, that our strength is in how much we can handle on our own.

That being tired is just part of the job.

That “rest” is something you earn, and “help” is something you only ask for when you’re at your breaking point.

But here’s what I’m learning in real-time:

Rest is not weakness.

Delegating is not failure.

And allowing others to pour into your children is not abandonment — it’s community.

The Beauty in Letting Go

Every time I loosen my grip just a little I give myself space to be me again.

Not just “mommy.”

Not just the one who always has it handled.

But a woman who deserves joy, too.

And I also give my children something beautiful:

• A network of love

• A village that holds them

• Memories that don’t only include me, but a full circle of people who adore them

Because what good is building a village if we never let the village show up?

A Gentle Reminder (for Me and Maybe You Too)

It’s okay to watch from the shadows sometimes.

It’s okay to feel the tug and take a few breaths before walking away.

But it’s also okay to let go a little more each time.

To take the nap.

To let someone else tie the shoe.

To smile, knowing your child is safe and you don’t have to do everything alone.

You are not a burden.

You don’t have to prove your strength by carrying it all.

Let them help.

Let them love you through it.

And most importantly let yourself enjoy the life you’re working so hard to create.

🫶🏾 Thank You to My Circle

To my friends, my family, my village: Thank you for seeing me.

For stepping in without waiting to be asked.

For reminding me that I don’t have to do it all.

For holding my babies with the same care I do.

For encouraging me to breathe, to rest, to simply be.

Thank you for not just offering help but gently nudging me to receive it. You reminded me that letting go isn’t losing control, it’s gaining support. And because of you, I came home from this trip not just rested, but restored.

You helped me remember:

I’m not alone.

I’ve never been.

And I don’t have to be.

From the bottom of my heart thank you for helping me let go… and reminding me what it feels like to be held.